Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
