i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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