he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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