Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize