Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
