i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
