I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
