I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
