Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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