We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize