ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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