I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
