I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize