He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
