oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
