can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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