it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
