just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
