dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
