Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
