Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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