it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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