Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
