Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
