When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
