like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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