Me too!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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