She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
