I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
