Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
