So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
