At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
