dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
