i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
