If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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