I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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