Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
