you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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