He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Drake has all the answers
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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