Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm way too hungover for life right now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
