I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
