Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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