I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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