Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
