I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
