did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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