wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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