I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
