It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
