Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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