Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize