Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
