chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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