...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
