So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
