he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
