He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
send nudes
from the living room?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
