Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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