What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
