drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Found your dick twin last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize