the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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