i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
