no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
