Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
