I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
