The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
