It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
