Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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