Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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