you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
