I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
