I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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