Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
