Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
