I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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