it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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