I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize