Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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