His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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