How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
