i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize