Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my poor anus
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
