Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
