At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
