I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize