please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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